Posted in Child Custody
When parents separate or divorce, one question comes up constantly: Can my child tell the judge who they want to live with? The answer isn’t simple. California law does give children a voice in custody decisions, but it’s not as straightforward as letting kids choose between parents.
At What Age Can a Child Express a Preference
Once a child turns 14, California Family Code Section 3042 says they can address the court about custody and visitation if they want to. The judge has to listen. But listening doesn’t mean following whatever the child says. For younger kids, it’s up to the judge. Some will consider what an 11 or 12-year-old has to say. Others won’t unless the child seems unusually mature and capable of expressing thoughtful reasons for their preference.
How Courts Actually Hear From Children
You won’t typically see a child sitting in the witness stand during a custody trial. That’s rare in California. Instead, judges use other methods:
- Meeting with the child privately in chambers, sometimes with lawyers present
- Getting input from court-appointed evaluators who’ve interviewed the child
- Reading reports from the minor’s counsel (an attorney appointed just for the child)
- Reviewing information gathered during mandatory mediation
These approaches keep kids out of the courtroom drama while still letting their voices matter.
The Child’s Preference Is Just One Factor
California courts decide custody based on what’s best for the child. A kid’s stated preference counts, sure. But it’s one piece of a much bigger puzzle. Judges look at everything. Can each parent provide stable housing? What about the child’s relationship with siblings? School continuity matters. So does any history of domestic violence or substance abuse. Even when a 16-year-old strongly prefers one parent, a Manhattan Beach child custody lawyer knows the judge will dig deeper if other evidence points in a different direction.
Maturity Matters More Than Age
A child’s age is less important than their capacity for intelligent reasoning. Sometimes, a thoughtful 12-year-old who can explain legitimate reasons for preferring one parent will carry more weight than a 15-year-old who sounds coached. Judges watch for signs of parental influence. Red flags include kids who use adult legal language, repeat arguments they’ve clearly heard from a parent, or seem pressured to pick sides. It’s obvious when a child’s been manipulated, and judges don’t like it.
What Parents Should Never Do
Don’t try to influence what your child tells the court. It’ll backfire. Courts view parental manipulation as terrible judgment and proof that you’re not putting your child’s emotional health first. Never coach your child on what to say to a judge. Don’t promise rewards for expressing certain preferences. Don’t badmouth the other parent in front of your kids. Skarin Law Group has seen cases where obvious manipulation actually resulted in the court giving custody to the other parent, despite what the child said they wanted.
When Preferences Change Over Time
Kids grow up. Their preferences shift. What worked when your daughter was 10 might not make sense when she’s 16. California courts recognize this. Custody orders can be modified when circumstances change substantially. As children mature, their needs evolve based on school demands, friendships, extracurricular activities, and developmental stages. A Manhattan Beach child custody lawyer can help you figure out whether your child’s changing preferences might support a modification request. Judges generally become more receptive to older teenagers’ stated wishes, especially when those preferences align with other factors that serve the child’s best interests.
Getting Professional Guidance
Custody disputes get complicated when children express strong preferences about where they want to live. You’re dealing with legal standards that require careful interpretation and family dynamics that need sensitive handling. Understanding how California courts actually weigh what children say can help you approach your custody matter with realistic expectations. If you’re facing a custody decision where your child’s wishes are part of the equation, experienced legal guidance makes a real difference in protecting both your rights and your child’s well-being.
