Posted in Child Custody
Remember 80’s sitcoms? Most of them centered around a working dad and a stay-at-home-mom or a mom who sacrificed her career for the children. As a family lawyer can share, from this grew the idea that dads should only have the weekends with their kids so they did not have to sacrifice their career. And this meant that mothers became the default parent and were almost always awarded custody of the children. Even the language of custody has transformed, and many states call arrangements for parenting plans. This captures that both parents have a role in parenting their children and the time each spends with their children is more than just seeing one parent or the other.
The traditional “every-other-weekend” dad and “primary caregiver” mom arrangement might have worked for a bygone era. It does not reflect parenting now. Our friend at Flat Fee Divorce Solutions shares why:
1. Dads Can Be Nurturers Too: The idea that fathers are weekend warriors for playtime while moms handle the day-to-day grind simply doesn’t reflect modern families. Dads are just as capable of diaper changes, bedtime stories, and school lunches. Custody plans should reflect this reality.
2. Moms Can Have Careers: Gone are the days when most mothers stayed home. Today, many families have two working parents. Traditional custody schedules often leave working moms scrambling for childcare before and after school. It, by default, becomes her responsibility and absolves dad from having to share in pickups, after school activities and parenting.
3. Rigid Schedules Don’t Fit Flexible Lives: The 80s model assumes a predictable 9-to-5 world. But many people have non-traditional work schedules, making rigid weekend swaps impractical.
4. Blended Families Need Blending: Second marriages and step-parents are increasingly common. 1980s custody plans often create confusion and conflict in these situations. We need models that consider the needs of the entire family unit.
What Does A Modern Parenting Plan Look Like?
There’s no one-size-fits-all answer. Here are some of the plans that might fit your family:
Shared Parenting: This approach aims for a more equal division of parenting time, with overnight stays spread throughout the week. This works best for parents who live close together and have flexible schedules. Some parents find exchanging weekly is best for their children. Others use a plan where one parent has Monday and Tuesday and the other has Wednesday and Thursday. The parents then rotate weekends. Other parents use a 4-3-3-4 model, where one parent has 4 days one week and three the next. This often works best for parents who work 12-hour shifts.
Nest Schedules: Here, the children stay in the primary residence, and the parents rotate in and out. This can be helpful for young children who benefit from stability in their surroundings. Sometimes these parents then share an apartment that they stay at when it is not their time with the children,
Weekday/Weekend Splits: This offers a compromise, with more time with one parent during the week and longer stretches with the other on weekends.
Technology-Aided Communication: Apps and online platforms can help co-parents manage schedules, share information, and minimize conflict.
Focus On The Child’s Needs
Ultimately, the best parenting plan is the one that best serves the individual needs of the children involved. This might mean a traditional model works best, but more often, a creative, flexible approach is needed. Your parenting plan should reflect your life, your children’s needs and be predictable.
Moving Forward
If you’re facing divorce, talk to your lawyer about helping you craft a parenting plan that actually matches your reality. Consider mediation to create a plan that reflects the realities of your modern family and prioritizes the well-being of your children.
