Posted in Divorce
Ending a marriage is one of the most emotionally and logistically challenging decisions a person can make. And yet, for many people, the process begins without a plan. At Skarin Law Group, we often hear versions of the same statement: “If I could do my divorce over again, I would have prepared so differently.” The truth is, most people don’t think about the legal and practical implications of divorce until they’re already in it. But if you’re even considering a divorce, now is the time to prepare as our Manhattan Beach, CA legal separation lawyer who has received a 10.0 rating from Avvo can attest.
This article is your guide to doing just that.
Whether you’re on the brink of filing or just contemplating your next steps, taking the time to plan ahead can protect your rights, your finances, and your children’s wellbeing. Here’s what we wish every client knew before initiating the divorce process in California in order to avoid common mistakes during the divorce process.
1. Know Your Finances — And Get The Paper Trail
Financial knowledge is power in divorce. California is a community property state, meaning any assets or debts acquired during the marriage are typically split 50/50. But this only works if both spouses are honest — and many aren’t.
Start by compiling a full inventory of your financial landscape:
- Bank accounts (checking, savings, joint and individual)
- Credit cards
- Investment and retirement accounts (IRAs, 401(k)s, pensions)
- Loans and debts
- Property ownership records
- Tax returns (at least three years)
- Pay stubs and employment records for both you and your spouse
Make copies of everything and store them somewhere safe — physically and/or digitally. Check passwords and log in to all accounts while you still can. If you’re only an authorized user and not a joint account holder, know that your spouse can legally remove you. Being a joint owner offers you more protection.
If your spouse owned property prior to the marriage (like a home), and marital funds were used to pay the mortgage, remodel, or pay taxes, gather documentation. You may be entitled to a portion of that equity, but only if you can prove it.
2. Document, Document, Document
The details of your day-to-day life matter in a divorce — especially if children are involved.
Start keeping a record of:
- Time spent with your children (pickups, school events, medical appointments, extracurriculars)
- Household responsibilities (meal prep, cleaning, bills, school forms, bedtime routines)
- Purchases and financial contributions (groceries, shoes, co-pays, school supplies)
Save receipts, take screenshots, and keep notes. This information can be essential when negotiating custody and support — or if your spouse tries to downplay your role in the family dynamic.
3. Draft A Parenting Plan (Yes, Even Before You Talk To Your Spouse)
If you have children, thinking ahead about a parenting plan is one of the most important things you can do.
Before you even bring up divorce, consider:
- A realistic schedule for custody and visitation
- School drop-offs and pickups
- Holidays and vacations
- Decision-making authority (medical, educational, extracurriculars)
- How you will communicate about the kids
You don’t need to finalize anything yet — but creating a draft will help you focus the conversation and show that you’re thinking about what’s best for the children. Taking a parenting class now can also help prepare you emotionally and practically for co-parenting.
4. Assemble Your Support Network
Divorce is not something you should go through alone. Before taking any steps, reach out to:
- Trusted friends or family who can be a listening ear
- A therapist or counselor who specializes in family transitions
- A financial advisor or accountant
- Parents or caretakers who can help with childcare during difficult conversations
Having emotional support isn’t just helpful — it’s critical. You’ll need people who can help you stay grounded, validate your experience, and offer perspective when things get overwhelming.
5. Find The Right Attorney
Not all family law attorneys are the same. You need someone who not only understands California divorce law, but who has experience with your specific situation to guide you through tough legal battles.
That may include:
- Complex financial issues (business ownership, real estate, high net worth)
- Military divorce
- Special needs children
- Domestic violence or restraining orders
Look for a lawyer who will help you understand your rights, prepare a strategy, and stay focused on long-term outcomes. We work closely with clients to create a customized plan for every case — not just a cookie-cutter approach.
6. Plan For The Conversation — And Your Safety
Telling your spouse you want a divorce can be one of the most stressful moments in the process. Prepare ahead:
- Have talking points ready. Keep it simple and direct.
- Choose a time when the kids are not around.
- Have a friend check in or be available to call you during the conversation in case you need an exit.
- Expect emotional reactions — denial, anger, bargaining — and try not to engage.
- If you have any concerns for your safety, have a backup plan for a safe place to stay (even just temporarily). This is especially important if your spouse has ever shown signs of aggression or control.
7. Be Realistic About Alimony And Child Support
In California, alimony (spousal support) and child support are generally calculated using state guidelines. If your incomes are relatively close, you may not receive — or pay — much in support.
If you’re a stay-at-home parent, talk to an attorney about what financial support you may qualify for and how to protect yourself in the meantime. If you’re employed, it’s typically not necessary to secretly set aside money. Just make sure your paycheck is being deposited into an account that is in your name or jointly held — not solely controlled by your spouse.
8. Think About What You’d Do Differently — Before You Have To
Some of the most common regrets we hear from clients include:
- “I didn’t copy the financial documents before he changed the passwords.”
- “I didn’t realize how much parenting I was actually doing until he said he wanted 50/50 custody.”
- “I thought we could just talk it through. I wasn’t prepared for how defensive he got.”
- “I wish I had hired a better lawyer sooner.”
By thinking ahead and acting with intention, you can protect your interests and move forward with greater clarity and confidence.
Divorce may be the end of one chapter, but it’s also the beginning of the next. With the right preparation, the process doesn’t have to feel like a blind leap — it can be a well-informed, thoughtful decision that positions you and your family for a stronger future.
If you’re considering divorce, contact Skarin Law Group for a consultation with our attorney, the only one in all of California who is a CPA and Certified Family Law Specialist. Our experienced family law attorneys can guide you through the legal, financial, and emotional aspects of the process — step by step.
